If you don't mean it...don't waste your time saying it.
I hate phoniness. Did I spell that right? Why be fake? You're just wasting mine and yours time. If I don't know you, I don't really care. Sorry...that's just the way it is. Your opinion...what you think of me...how you perceive me...doesn't really matter. In fact, if you are being phony with me, I'm not going to put forth the effort to GET to know you because whatever I get is going to be fake anyway. But if i DO know you??? Have enough respect for me to be honest. If you really knew me...you would know what I can handle. Anything.
Phoniness is malicious. To be phony is to make another person THINK you care...when you really don't. You smile to their face...but talk shit in your head. You shower them with compliments...but talk shit in your head. You say what you don't mean. So basically...to be phony...you must lie. If ya don't know by now....I. HATE. LYING. I hate when people do it and I hate to do it myself. If I do lie, put enough pressure and I will come out with the truth...or I will put enough pressure on myself and come out with the truth. I'm very easily read when I'm lying because it really makes me uncomfortable. I'd rather say the truth and hurt your feelings then lie and make you think I care.
Where is this coming from? I thought I was cared about. I thought what I felt mattered, what I wanted mattered, what I said mattered, what I believe mattered...and it didn't, when I was lead to believe it did. Um. That's rough. I always hear, "People lie because they don't want to hurt the other persons feelings." Really? That's bullshit. A cop out. Laziness. Cowardly. I'd rather hurt your feelings and set you free for someone who really DOES care. I tell the truth because i DO care. If I didn't care I wouldn't be talking to you in the first place. But then again...that's just me apparently <sigh> :(
Cause Ya Gotta Have Faith-a Faith-a Faith...I Gotta Have Faith
Faith doesn't wonder, faith doesn't ask...faith KNOWS. Heard that in Church wednesday...but I've been having faith lately and boy is it refreshing. I feel so good, so relaxed..just so free. Why? Because I KNOW I will get my blessings. I hit my rock bottom a couple of times within this past year...but I am GOOOOOOD now. Did you hear me? I am GOOD. I'm okay. I'm not worrying about nothing and I am trusting fully. God sent me to this great home, with a wonderful friend, I have been blessed with great jobs to begin soon...and eventually I will be blessed with ma man too. I know I know...well what about Menti/My Love....what about him? Menti has been showing himself lately and it's all good...God is taking care of me. Menti has one choice...get right with Him...or he'll have no choice but to get ta gettin...all I know is I am not worrying about it. I am enjoying my days to the fullest. Friday night was the first time in a LONG time that I was able to go to bed without thinking "What am I gonna do now?" and be able to sleep as long as I wanted on Saturday without worrying about "what time will my lil rugrats wake me up today" because they were with their daddy. It's been a blessing. Truly a blessing. God has taught me so much and I am just so grateful that I GET IT. I finally get IT. I do. I finally do...and it feels good. All it takes is faith people. What you believe is what you will receive...I believe I am getting all I want, need and desire and THEN some. How bout u?
Lift Weights
Almost every other day a woman asks me...Ronny, how do you get your arms to look like that? Lift weights. How you get your legs to look like that? Lift weights. How do you stay in shape? Run...and lift weights. If you want muscle, you have to build muscle or burn off the fat that's covering it if you already have it. WOMEN..listen up.
1. YOU-WILL-NOT-GET-BIG-MUSCLES-LIKE-A-MAN by lifting weights! It takes an insane amount of lifting and consuming calories to get your muscles big as hell like a man.
2. It's easier to lose weight and get smaller by lifting weights than to get bigger. Muscles burn more calories per day...even when you are sleeping.
3. Burn more calories than you consume. That's the only way to lose weight (not including surgical procedures and stuff).
4. I started lifting weights 5 days a week when I was 13....I stopped when I was 22...do the math. Even though I'm 30 now, it doesn't take much for me to maintain my muscle. Do YOU need to do that? No. Of course not. But you do need to strength train at least 2 days per week. Do pushups, lunges, squats, crunches...you know...basic calisthenics are sufficient. Weight training..resistance bands...medicine balls...cow bells...etc. Do SOMETHING.
You will never be "toned" without some sort of strength training. So if you spend all your time doing cardio...you body size may get smaller, but you can still be skinny and flabby...AKA a skinny-fat person. So stop being afraid of the weight room and get yourself some muscle.
1. YOU-WILL-NOT-GET-BIG-MUSCLES-LIKE-A-MAN by lifting weights! It takes an insane amount of lifting and consuming calories to get your muscles big as hell like a man.
2. It's easier to lose weight and get smaller by lifting weights than to get bigger. Muscles burn more calories per day...even when you are sleeping.
3. Burn more calories than you consume. That's the only way to lose weight (not including surgical procedures and stuff).
4. I started lifting weights 5 days a week when I was 13....I stopped when I was 22...do the math. Even though I'm 30 now, it doesn't take much for me to maintain my muscle. Do YOU need to do that? No. Of course not. But you do need to strength train at least 2 days per week. Do pushups, lunges, squats, crunches...you know...basic calisthenics are sufficient. Weight training..resistance bands...medicine balls...cow bells...etc. Do SOMETHING.
You will never be "toned" without some sort of strength training. So if you spend all your time doing cardio...you body size may get smaller, but you can still be skinny and flabby...AKA a skinny-fat person. So stop being afraid of the weight room and get yourself some muscle.
"I Do." but no...I Really Don't.
I moved the other day and was asked why I didn't move in with Menti (still deciding if I want to call him My Love again...) but simply put...I don't play marriage. I will not live with a man until we've signed the paperwork and say "I do." I didn't do it with my first husband and I'm not going to do it if I marry again.
Moving in isn't the only thing I won't do until I get married...there's several things I'm not going to do for a man that's not my husband. For instance, cooking. Most people know I would prefer to never cook. However, if you are my husband, you will come home to a home-cooked meal just about every night. The house will be clean and the kids will be maintained...but don't expect that if you have not committed to me. I may cook for you once a month...if that...but every day? Yea right...where's the ring? You want to share a bank account? Yea right...where's the ring? How freaky can I get? Yea right...where's the ring?
I don't consider this "playing hard to get"...there's no game about it. I'm not PLAYING. You don't deserve all of me unless you commit yourself to me...and GOD. A marriage will not be healthy if God is not the center.
Commitment. I've touched on that word before...but it is a big deal to ME (maybe not everyone else).
You will get some of me...but only the committed will get it all. And don't think you can fake a commitment. What goes around... comes around, people. Don't get it twisted. You know the phrase...karma's a what? Right.
Menti is used to getting everything a woman has to offer...just because he made eye contact, smiled or called her "sweetie". Good for him. I'm not mad at him...he can't help it..that's just who he is. I understand why these women do it...he my Menti.. he's a great catch :) But honestly, I don't care how good he looks, how much money he makes or how great his is in the bedroom. These are all a definite plus...but there's just certain things he's not entitled to unless he wants to be my husband. I'm not going to sit here and list them all...but I know for a fact my husband is in store for a good wife. He who finds his wife finds a good thing. I am a good thing. We shall see if Menti gets this good thing or if he chooses to pass it up.
You may wonder, well what if Menti doesn't care about the other stuff you're not sharing with him? What if he's happy with you and what you are doing now? That's cool. So where's the ring then? My man will become my husband. Point blank. Menti knows this already. Times a tickin and time will tell. Soon I will have pictures of my ring and My Love...or soon I will be single and learning someone new.
Moving in isn't the only thing I won't do until I get married...there's several things I'm not going to do for a man that's not my husband. For instance, cooking. Most people know I would prefer to never cook. However, if you are my husband, you will come home to a home-cooked meal just about every night. The house will be clean and the kids will be maintained...but don't expect that if you have not committed to me. I may cook for you once a month...if that...but every day? Yea right...where's the ring? You want to share a bank account? Yea right...where's the ring? How freaky can I get? Yea right...where's the ring?
I don't consider this "playing hard to get"...there's no game about it. I'm not PLAYING. You don't deserve all of me unless you commit yourself to me...and GOD. A marriage will not be healthy if God is not the center.
Commitment. I've touched on that word before...but it is a big deal to ME (maybe not everyone else).
You will get some of me...but only the committed will get it all. And don't think you can fake a commitment. What goes around... comes around, people. Don't get it twisted. You know the phrase...karma's a what? Right.
Menti is used to getting everything a woman has to offer...just because he made eye contact, smiled or called her "sweetie". Good for him. I'm not mad at him...he can't help it..that's just who he is. I understand why these women do it...he my Menti.. he's a great catch :) But honestly, I don't care how good he looks, how much money he makes or how great his is in the bedroom. These are all a definite plus...but there's just certain things he's not entitled to unless he wants to be my husband. I'm not going to sit here and list them all...but I know for a fact my husband is in store for a good wife. He who finds his wife finds a good thing. I am a good thing. We shall see if Menti gets this good thing or if he chooses to pass it up.
You may wonder, well what if Menti doesn't care about the other stuff you're not sharing with him? What if he's happy with you and what you are doing now? That's cool. So where's the ring then? My man will become my husband. Point blank. Menti knows this already. Times a tickin and time will tell. Soon I will have pictures of my ring and My Love...or soon I will be single and learning someone new.
How Would You Define Intelligence?
"The ability to speak does not make you intelligent."
I was searching through the internet for god knows what... and came across this quote. It made me think...made me wonder...I am a believer of this phrase. So often I hear words come out of a persons mouth... but yet they do nothing to me inside. Intelligence to me is when you can make me stop and think...cause me to view your perspective...maybe accept your perspective...make me question my own reasoning...dig deeper into my own thoughts...that to me is intelligent. An intelligent person can do those things to me by the words they speak, without them trying to make me do those things....make sense? There is no effort to being intelligent. You're not trying to get a point across...you're just being/speaking who you are and what you know.
You can speak, but say nothing.
Intelligence comes from the heart...from within. You cannot teach intelligence. Intelligence comes from one's mouth because of experience, being, learning, feeling and accepting. Wisdom and intelligence flow from the same tree. You ever read the serenity prayer?
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
He who spoke this prayer was intelligent. It's easy to distinguish intelligence from being smart, creative or manipulative. Intelligence comes naturally. There are many smart, but dumb people in the world. Ya feel me? Creativity can be expressed in many ways besides speaking. Usually the creative person communicates in every way EXCEPT speaking; hence art, music, writing, dance...they have a way of telling without using words. A manipulator uses word-play...you know...takes what you say and twists it to work in their favor...or use someone elses words to accomplish an agenda; smart, creative, but not intelligent.--Reinhold Niebuhr
Intelligence has meaning...flavor...leaves a distinguished mark. Pure. It's rare...but memorable. Imagine your great grandmom just talking...you listen as she speaks, but there's something different about what she is saying...you're drawn in...almost mesmerized...as she rocks in her chair, smiles and speaks. Intelligence. You hope to possess it.
Pay attention the next time somebody talks to you. Do you hear what they are saying? How do you feel? Would you acknowledge that person as intelligent? How will you know if they are? You will know...you will know...and you will never forget that moment.
One. Un. Uno.
Yes. I need only one man. I want…only one man. I will get…only one man who wants me to be their only woman. Ain’t found him yet…but God will provide J So….this blog post. Monogamy. Really? Yup. Monogamy. I believe in it…and I will get it. I want just one…because I only need just one. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried seeing more than one person at a time…I was successful at it too…but I didn’t like it. I had three going strong…but it was just too much. I dropped it down to two…but it was still just too much. I can barely give my heart to ONE person, let alone trying to give it to two or more people.
Simply put…I don’t like the idea of many men “knowing” me…mentally, physically or spiritually. I’ve been told…love one and just keep another around for “backup” or as the “fun one” or whatever the second can fulfill that the first isn’t. I’ve been told you can love two people at the same time. I’ve been told “what he doesn’t know won’t hurt…he’s probably doing the same thing.” Really people? I’m just not built that way. I tried…just can’t do it. Not to say others can’t…I just know ME…and I. Can’t. Do. That.
I give my all to one person and I expect the same in return. It’s impossible for me to love more than one person at the same time because love is an action…love is a choice…love is expressed. When I love somebody…they get ALL my love. That makes it impossible for me to love two people…ALL is not a fraction…it’s a whole. I expect the same of my man. I say this all the time…I don’t like to share…I’m selfish with good reason. I want to be the only one. A man can never be truly in tune with me…if they are off trying to be in tune with someone else too. It just doesn’t work. Especially the way MY mind goes?? You’d drive yourself insane if you tried to be with me and someone else too. My instincts are surreal…so good luck trying. But anyway…commitment is not hard for me. I think there is something powerful about being committed to one person. To know there is only one person getting your attention, getting your love, experiencing your body, learning your mind…that is VERY erotic to me. You have something nobody else is getting…none of it. The many layers of me are only being exposed to that one person…and the lucky one will be able to get down to my core. And vice versa…if you have that man/woman that you know is being monogamous…isn‘t it erotic to know others want your man/woman but can‘t get NOTHING? BUT…then again… men I have met don’t think like that. They think they can have their cake, pie, ice cream, chicken wings, beer, white and brown liquor and cereal without any complications. More power to ya.
So it’s easy for me to be committed…but don’t think I just commit to ANYONE. Yea right…that takes a LOT of time. I’ve only been fully committed to one person so far. Didn’t work out, but was well worth the try…learned a lot about myself in the process. So on that note…being monogamous…fully committed….leads to one thing. Marriage. Shift in your seat if you must…but yes I still believe in marriage, even if my first didn’t work out. But….that’s another blog…stay tuned.
Simply put…I don’t like the idea of many men “knowing” me…mentally, physically or spiritually. I’ve been told…love one and just keep another around for “backup” or as the “fun one” or whatever the second can fulfill that the first isn’t. I’ve been told you can love two people at the same time. I’ve been told “what he doesn’t know won’t hurt…he’s probably doing the same thing.” Really people? I’m just not built that way. I tried…just can’t do it. Not to say others can’t…I just know ME…and I. Can’t. Do. That.
I give my all to one person and I expect the same in return. It’s impossible for me to love more than one person at the same time because love is an action…love is a choice…love is expressed. When I love somebody…they get ALL my love. That makes it impossible for me to love two people…ALL is not a fraction…it’s a whole. I expect the same of my man. I say this all the time…I don’t like to share…I’m selfish with good reason. I want to be the only one. A man can never be truly in tune with me…if they are off trying to be in tune with someone else too. It just doesn’t work. Especially the way MY mind goes?? You’d drive yourself insane if you tried to be with me and someone else too. My instincts are surreal…so good luck trying. But anyway…commitment is not hard for me. I think there is something powerful about being committed to one person. To know there is only one person getting your attention, getting your love, experiencing your body, learning your mind…that is VERY erotic to me. You have something nobody else is getting…none of it. The many layers of me are only being exposed to that one person…and the lucky one will be able to get down to my core. And vice versa…if you have that man/woman that you know is being monogamous…isn‘t it erotic to know others want your man/woman but can‘t get NOTHING? BUT…then again… men I have met don’t think like that. They think they can have their cake, pie, ice cream, chicken wings, beer, white and brown liquor and cereal without any complications. More power to ya.
So it’s easy for me to be committed…but don’t think I just commit to ANYONE. Yea right…that takes a LOT of time. I’ve only been fully committed to one person so far. Didn’t work out, but was well worth the try…learned a lot about myself in the process. So on that note…being monogamous…fully committed….leads to one thing. Marriage. Shift in your seat if you must…but yes I still believe in marriage, even if my first didn’t work out. But….that’s another blog…stay tuned.
He Wants It All
You ever hear that song by Forever Jones…He Wants it All? I was listening to 104.7 on the way home from church and that song was playing right before I pulled up to my house. Such an easy concept that took me forever to understand. He wants it all. Not part of you…ALL of you. It’s funny how God wants the same thing we want from our significant others…all…not some.
Now I definitely know there is no comparison between God and our significant others, but the underlying concept is the same. Think about it…there is nothing we go through that God has not gone through. Nothing we feel that God has not felt. God knows what we are going through. I can only speak for myself, even though I know a lot of others question the same thing, regarding our significant others…why can’t he be vulnerable? How can he half-ass a relationship? Why can’t he COMMIT? Commitment. Um. The hairs stand on my arms when I hear that word. Heart starts beating fast…that is a SCARY word…for most men in my experience. You see…I don’t have a problem with committing. I think it is much easier to commit to one person than to play the field. Now that’s just ME. But back to tying this into the song…He Wants it All. I give my all when it comes to a relationship. My motto is…if you’re going to get into a relationship, give a 100% or don’t get into it at all. I don’t know how to half-ass a relationship. I really don’t. Just ask My Love…I either commit…or get out. I have no problem getting out if I don’t feel like the other person is giving their all…or if I do not feel you are worthy of my all. Doesn’t mean I stop loving them, I just know it’s a situation where the relationship won’t work if both parties are not giving their all. Does that mean the relationship is always going to be fun and exciting, no. But if both people are truly committed, giving it their all every day, no matter what…the relationship will flourish and you will experience true feelings and realness. Even if the relationship does not work, there is a sense of satisfaction knowing you went in and gave it your all. You can walk away with a sense of peace…and probably still remain friends with the other person.
Now back to God…you see…God wants us to give Him our all too. He will always love us…yes. But if you don’t give God your all…you will never experience the full amount of blessings and grace He has for us. When you give God your all…will life be happy and problem-free? Of course not. But there is a sense of peace and understanding within yourself to know that everything is ok…and your relationship with God will flourish.
There’s something special about being in a committed relationship…with ONE person….to be continued…next blog post J
Now I definitely know there is no comparison between God and our significant others, but the underlying concept is the same. Think about it…there is nothing we go through that God has not gone through. Nothing we feel that God has not felt. God knows what we are going through. I can only speak for myself, even though I know a lot of others question the same thing, regarding our significant others…why can’t he be vulnerable? How can he half-ass a relationship? Why can’t he COMMIT? Commitment. Um. The hairs stand on my arms when I hear that word. Heart starts beating fast…that is a SCARY word…for most men in my experience. You see…I don’t have a problem with committing. I think it is much easier to commit to one person than to play the field. Now that’s just ME. But back to tying this into the song…He Wants it All. I give my all when it comes to a relationship. My motto is…if you’re going to get into a relationship, give a 100% or don’t get into it at all. I don’t know how to half-ass a relationship. I really don’t. Just ask My Love…I either commit…or get out. I have no problem getting out if I don’t feel like the other person is giving their all…or if I do not feel you are worthy of my all. Doesn’t mean I stop loving them, I just know it’s a situation where the relationship won’t work if both parties are not giving their all. Does that mean the relationship is always going to be fun and exciting, no. But if both people are truly committed, giving it their all every day, no matter what…the relationship will flourish and you will experience true feelings and realness. Even if the relationship does not work, there is a sense of satisfaction knowing you went in and gave it your all. You can walk away with a sense of peace…and probably still remain friends with the other person.
Now back to God…you see…God wants us to give Him our all too. He will always love us…yes. But if you don’t give God your all…you will never experience the full amount of blessings and grace He has for us. When you give God your all…will life be happy and problem-free? Of course not. But there is a sense of peace and understanding within yourself to know that everything is ok…and your relationship with God will flourish.
There’s something special about being in a committed relationship…with ONE person….to be continued…next blog post J
Aye Girl...What Yo Name Is?
Come on ladies...we have all come across that "scrub" at some point in time in our life. Some of us more often than others. Well I came across a couple scrubs today...which inspired me to write this. So the first scrub was in his car...or actually the passenger seat of someone else's car (u know the song...hangin out the passenger side of his best friends ride...tryin to holla at me). Well this scrub had the nerve to knock on the window as I was walking into the bank. What did he think I was gonna do, answer the door?? lol I looked at the window and he pointed his finger for me to come to the car. Needless to say...I kept it moving. Scrub #1...get ya own ride...and get some money so YOU can be the one going into the bank and not the person you were riding with, who left you in a car where you can't even roll ya window down.
Scrub #2...This scrub was a cute story...but never-the-less...still a scrub. So I was at a red light listening to my song Super Bass...had my windows down and enjoying my moment. I look over and this old dude says..."Excuse me, he wants to get your number" and points to the guy in his passenger side (don't know WHAT it is with these passengers...ugh) Well the guy in the passenger side sits up so I can see him and his kool-aide smile...which was missing a couple teeth! I smiled and shook my head no. Dude had to be like 70 years old lol I love my old men though...lord knows I get hit on by them a LOT. Some of them are really fun and sweet. But sorry scrub #2...get ya teeth fixed...get in the driver side...and MAYBE I will smile and shake my head yes...doubt it though...sorry.
Scrub #3...Another car story. Again I'm at a red light with the windows down. This time, no music...was enjoying the sun and silence. A van pulls up next to me. This time the driver says, "You're very pretty." I say thank you. Then he goes, "Are you married? Have a boyfriend?" I say yes. He says, "Damn, he's a lucky man....can I give you a call? We can just be friends :) " lol ummmmmm no. Now that was a LONG red light lol sorry scrub #3...although I am glad you were in the driver side...had all your teeth...and actually looked pretty decent...give a compliment...accept the woman is taken and finish with "Ok..Enjoy your day sweetheart.." Now that would have kept you from being called a scrub.
I will continue my scrub series another day...I'm sure there will be plenty more to come :)
Scrub #2...This scrub was a cute story...but never-the-less...still a scrub. So I was at a red light listening to my song Super Bass...had my windows down and enjoying my moment. I look over and this old dude says..."Excuse me, he wants to get your number" and points to the guy in his passenger side (don't know WHAT it is with these passengers...ugh) Well the guy in the passenger side sits up so I can see him and his kool-aide smile...which was missing a couple teeth! I smiled and shook my head no. Dude had to be like 70 years old lol I love my old men though...lord knows I get hit on by them a LOT. Some of them are really fun and sweet. But sorry scrub #2...get ya teeth fixed...get in the driver side...and MAYBE I will smile and shake my head yes...doubt it though...sorry.
Scrub #3...Another car story. Again I'm at a red light with the windows down. This time, no music...was enjoying the sun and silence. A van pulls up next to me. This time the driver says, "You're very pretty." I say thank you. Then he goes, "Are you married? Have a boyfriend?" I say yes. He says, "Damn, he's a lucky man....can I give you a call? We can just be friends :) " lol ummmmmm no. Now that was a LONG red light lol sorry scrub #3...although I am glad you were in the driver side...had all your teeth...and actually looked pretty decent...give a compliment...accept the woman is taken and finish with "Ok..Enjoy your day sweetheart.." Now that would have kept you from being called a scrub.
I will continue my scrub series another day...I'm sure there will be plenty more to come :)
Colorblind? Nope...not yet.
Is a black BMW any different from a white one? Is a black pitbull any different from a white one? Is a black house any sturdier than a white one? Is a black cup gonna hold the water any better than the white one? Get where I'm going? Color. A ridiculous thing to be prejudice about.
Growing up...I was too "black" for most white kids (mainly their parents) and am constantly told I am "white" or my favorite "have white girl tendencies" from black people. Last I checked...I didn't know my color defined who I was. Yes, I'm black...but am I not allowed to like Mozart, am I obligated to like rap music, am I not supposed to be smart or am I supposed to know how to dance? All of these questions are supposed to be answered by the color of my skin right...I don't think so.
My color doesn't stop me from learning anything I want to learn or doing anything I want to do. Although it has caused problems or made it more difficult at times...it has never STOPPED me. I have been the only black girl on the cheerleading squad, basketball team, in the classroom...and I'm sure there are more places that I just can't remember right now. Did it stop me from doing those activities? Of course not. Don't get me wrong, I always wished there were more girls like me in WHATEVER I did...but I couldn't let that stop me from living. If you have a problem with my color, then that's just that...YOUR problem. Get over it people. It's 2011.
Growing up...I was too "black" for most white kids (mainly their parents) and am constantly told I am "white" or my favorite "have white girl tendencies" from black people. Last I checked...I didn't know my color defined who I was. Yes, I'm black...but am I not allowed to like Mozart, am I obligated to like rap music, am I not supposed to be smart or am I supposed to know how to dance? All of these questions are supposed to be answered by the color of my skin right...I don't think so.
My color doesn't stop me from learning anything I want to learn or doing anything I want to do. Although it has caused problems or made it more difficult at times...it has never STOPPED me. I have been the only black girl on the cheerleading squad, basketball team, in the classroom...and I'm sure there are more places that I just can't remember right now. Did it stop me from doing those activities? Of course not. Don't get me wrong, I always wished there were more girls like me in WHATEVER I did...but I couldn't let that stop me from living. If you have a problem with my color, then that's just that...YOUR problem. Get over it people. It's 2011.
What's Your Sign?
I am a Virgo...not to a fault...but pretty close. I read the zodiac stuff as far as personality traits and things, but I can't say I always agree with the horoscopes. I personally like to read the horoscopes AFTER the day it speaks about to see if it was on or not...sometimes they're pretty freaky. I do not believe anybody can predict the future, but I do believe each sign can help explain a persons personality, and help another have insight to who that person is, how they think or how they act.
If you have twitter, a zodiac page that almost describes me to a "T" is @VirgoNation. If you want to understand me.. you really need to read some of their posts. I would never realize those things about myself, but after reading them... I'm like...you know what...that's true! Freaky...but true! Here's a few that I would say describe me....
Ok...so I'm tired of copying and pasting..but you get the point. While I will never go to a psychic, or if I do I most likely wont' believe anything they say...I do believe the zodiac signs have a unique way of explaining a persons personality. I think they are very interesting. As far as the compatibility of signs together, I'm not sure about all that...most of the signs I have dated or been with...always say "the relationship could work and be harmonious.....IF...". I think EVERY relationship could work...IF...there's always going to be an IF in a relationship. So food for thought...look up information on your zodiac sign, you'll either laugh...or you will agree...either way it's an interesting thing to do if you have time on your hands....
If you have twitter, a zodiac page that almost describes me to a "T" is @VirgoNation. If you want to understand me.. you really need to read some of their posts. I would never realize those things about myself, but after reading them... I'm like...you know what...that's true! Freaky...but true! Here's a few that I would say describe me....
~#Virgos don't make quick friends because they are not as easily trusting and freely expressive with their feelings as others.
~A #Virgo won't just take your word for it.
~A #Virgo won't just take your word for it.
~A #Virgo doesn't need anyone to agree with them. They are usually comfortable enough with themselves to stand alone if they have to.
~#Virgos are emotional beings, but when making situational decisions, emotion plays a small role while logic is the main character.
Ok...so I'm tired of copying and pasting..but you get the point. While I will never go to a psychic, or if I do I most likely wont' believe anything they say...I do believe the zodiac signs have a unique way of explaining a persons personality. I think they are very interesting. As far as the compatibility of signs together, I'm not sure about all that...most of the signs I have dated or been with...always say "the relationship could work and be harmonious.....IF...". I think EVERY relationship could work...IF...there's always going to be an IF in a relationship. So food for thought...look up information on your zodiac sign, you'll either laugh...or you will agree...either way it's an interesting thing to do if you have time on your hands....
Psalm 71
I have been feeling this passage lately. Although I have my fair share of problems and issues...I never want to give the impression I am doing it alone. I know I've previously stated, I have me, myself and I...but I also have God. God has been my savior through it all and the reason I can get up everyday, keep moving, keep smiling, and keep living.
Went to Church Sunday night and pastor was talking about, "Some of you are losing hope, feeling drained, coming to your wits end...give it to God and let him carry you...drench yourself in the spirit." Pastor was right on...that was me...is me...feeling drained...almost lost hope...but I've never let go of God through it all. My physical body is drained and beat up...my mind is drained and overworked...but I'm still here and I'm still moving...and I know my time is right around the corner. Well anyway, pastor brought up psalm 71...I ain't gonna lie...I dozed off a few times while he was talking about it...hey I worked from 7am to 5pm...i was tired! But anyway, I wrote the verse down and have been reading it, and re-reading it every morning and every night. It's just something about that passage that sparked new life in me.
13 May my accusers perish in shame;
may those who want to harm me
be covered with scorn and disgrace.
14 As for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.
..............
20 Though you have made me see troubles,
many and bitter,
you will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth
you will again bring me up.
21 You will increase my honor
and comfort me once more.
That's how I feel. Not everyone is out for your best interest...not everything you go through will be fun...but that's not for me to worry about, or stress about, or for me to try and figure out...although you know me, I DID try to figure it out...but God has it all under control. I will always have hope, no matter how hard-headed I am and no matter how many mistakes I make or trials I go through...and I will always praise my God for He's the one that made me who I am, brought me to where I am, and will get me to where I am going...no matter what/who enters my life. If you can't hang around for my ride...then get off...it wasn't meant for you to be on it anyway (my perspective...I'm sure God has a nicer way of putting it :)
Went to Church Sunday night and pastor was talking about, "Some of you are losing hope, feeling drained, coming to your wits end...give it to God and let him carry you...drench yourself in the spirit." Pastor was right on...that was me...is me...feeling drained...almost lost hope...but I've never let go of God through it all. My physical body is drained and beat up...my mind is drained and overworked...but I'm still here and I'm still moving...and I know my time is right around the corner. Well anyway, pastor brought up psalm 71...I ain't gonna lie...I dozed off a few times while he was talking about it...hey I worked from 7am to 5pm...i was tired! But anyway, I wrote the verse down and have been reading it, and re-reading it every morning and every night. It's just something about that passage that sparked new life in me.
13 May my accusers perish in shame;
may those who want to harm me
be covered with scorn and disgrace.
14 As for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.
..............
20 Though you have made me see troubles,
many and bitter,
you will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth
you will again bring me up.
21 You will increase my honor
and comfort me once more.
That's how I feel. Not everyone is out for your best interest...not everything you go through will be fun...but that's not for me to worry about, or stress about, or for me to try and figure out...although you know me, I DID try to figure it out...but God has it all under control. I will always have hope, no matter how hard-headed I am and no matter how many mistakes I make or trials I go through...and I will always praise my God for He's the one that made me who I am, brought me to where I am, and will get me to where I am going...no matter what/who enters my life. If you can't hang around for my ride...then get off...it wasn't meant for you to be on it anyway (my perspective...I'm sure God has a nicer way of putting it :)
Count Yourself...Then Stop.
Who can you count on? I mean really...who can you REALLY...TRULY...count on? If you say your spouse...good for you...your boyfriend/girlfriend...good for you...your family...then that's just great. However, in my life...I can only speak for myself...I count on nobody but myself. I've tried...trust me I've tried. But when it comes down to it, I got me, myself and I...nobody else. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I got where I am all by myself. I am well aware of the help I have received, the prayers that were sent, the monetary support I have received and any and everything somebody else was willing to do for me...when they were ready, when they felt like it, or when they had it. I have been truly blessed and I send a BIG shout out to my supporters. Can I count on the same blessing to repeat themselves? Of course not. They were blessings...not guarantees. The reason I say I have me, myself and I is because I have yet to find my man...my partner...my true backbone...that's there no matter what...that means what he says...that acts before being asked...or recognizes a need and responds. I've been going through it recently...I mean going THROUGH it. You've read my posts...you've heard my cries...you got the gist of what's going on. I made mistakes in my past that have came back to haunt me today. My support has run dry. Not because they don't want to support me...they are basically tired of me f*ing up and have run out of options in regards to how to help me. I had run out too. I didn't know who to turn to...what to do...or where to go. Thankfully I have a wonderful friend that laid out my reality...thanks girl! Although, even though she laid it out, it really put me into a depression. I really didn't know how bad I was doing. In my mind, I thought I was making progress...making the right choices...doing the right things...just to realize a week ago, that wasn't the case.
My family has me in prayer...my friends offer encouragement...but there was still one person I needed to get down to the nitty gritty with as to what that persons role was in my life. We'll call that person Menti. So Menti kept telling me that they were there for me...I can count on them...they will help me no matter what. So I tell Menti, no Menti, I don't think you realize how bad it is this time. And Menti says don't worry, we'll work through this together...I'm here for you and have always been. So I say to Menti, ok...I think we really need to get together and hash this out and develop our plan. Menti says, okay...I can meet with you...in three days. Three days??? WTF! but....ok Menti....three days. Three days go by...no Menti. Fourth day goes by...no Menti. Fifth day...I say Menti...meet me for 30 minutes. Menti agrees and meets me for 30 minutes. Menti professes love...professes support...offers support and says will help today. Menti says I am priority. Menti had to leave and said would call in an hour...two hours pass...no Menti...four hours...no Menti. Get where I am going with this?? Menti was supposed to complete a task that day...task was left incomplete. Menti says...so sorry Ronny...I had this that and a bunch of bullshit to do...I didn't know you needed help today. I didn't know the word today ment tomorrow...or another day...I also didn't know the word priority meant to come first AFTER everything else. Hmmmmm confused. So if you have not figured it out yet...Menti did not TRULY want to help me. Menti is waiting for me to get help elsewhere so Menti doesn't have to do it. That's cool Menti. I figured it out. I also figured out what role you play in my life. Ya DAMN sure ain't My Love...and you're really acting like a whack friend. All you had to do is tell the truth. If you told the truth, maybe I would call you Sincero instead of Menti.
Needless to say...God brought me through...My friends and Family are wonderful..at least the majority of them..but Menti....hmmmmm learned a LOT about you...nothing I didnt already know...just another part of my life that came to reality.
My family has me in prayer...my friends offer encouragement...but there was still one person I needed to get down to the nitty gritty with as to what that persons role was in my life. We'll call that person Menti. So Menti kept telling me that they were there for me...I can count on them...they will help me no matter what. So I tell Menti, no Menti, I don't think you realize how bad it is this time. And Menti says don't worry, we'll work through this together...I'm here for you and have always been. So I say to Menti, ok...I think we really need to get together and hash this out and develop our plan. Menti says, okay...I can meet with you...in three days. Three days??? WTF! but....ok Menti....three days. Three days go by...no Menti. Fourth day goes by...no Menti. Fifth day...I say Menti...meet me for 30 minutes. Menti agrees and meets me for 30 minutes. Menti professes love...professes support...offers support and says will help today. Menti says I am priority. Menti had to leave and said would call in an hour...two hours pass...no Menti...four hours...no Menti. Get where I am going with this?? Menti was supposed to complete a task that day...task was left incomplete. Menti says...so sorry Ronny...I had this that and a bunch of bullshit to do...I didn't know you needed help today. I didn't know the word today ment tomorrow...or another day...I also didn't know the word priority meant to come first AFTER everything else. Hmmmmm confused. So if you have not figured it out yet...Menti did not TRULY want to help me. Menti is waiting for me to get help elsewhere so Menti doesn't have to do it. That's cool Menti. I figured it out. I also figured out what role you play in my life. Ya DAMN sure ain't My Love...and you're really acting like a whack friend. All you had to do is tell the truth. If you told the truth, maybe I would call you Sincero instead of Menti.
Needless to say...God brought me through...My friends and Family are wonderful..at least the majority of them..but Menti....hmmmmm learned a LOT about you...nothing I didnt already know...just another part of my life that came to reality.
From the Heart…or Out the Ass?
To convey how you feel, what you think, what you mean, what you want or what you are asking with the words from your mouth is a wonderful gift to possess. I do not possess that gift. Often when I speak, the meaning is lost, the question is confusing or the response is harsh. Now that I have turned thirty…I have been gracefully blessed to stutter. Yup. Not fun…and it’s really a pain. But anyway…although I have not been blessed to speak so eloquently, I have been blessed with the gift of writing. I can write just about anything, describe anything, take your mind to a place you have never gone before, or allow every word floating around in your mind to transpire through paper. I love it. It is a release for me. I enjoy it and it sets me free.
I was in a situation not too long ago where someone said to me, “They were just words, Ronny.” Just words. Just words?? Really? Are you negating the fact that words have meaning or do you just speak to hear the audible vibrations come from your diaphragm and shoot through the hole in your face? If words did not have power everybody would be mute. Words are used to express…just as they are used to manipulate. Whether on paper or from your mouth those words are YOUR liability.
You’ve heard the saying “if it sounds to good to be true…it usually is.” When words come from the heart, you feel it, you see it in body language and with eye contact and you hear it with their tone of voice. No matter if they stutter, fumble the words, or say something completely disarray, you are still able to understand what is trying to be conveyed. When someone is speaking from their ass, you usually catch the stench with it. You then have the choice to ignore the stench and try to cover it up with fragrance. Or…you can tell that person (or say it to yourself), I appreciate the time you have taken to speak with me, but until you figure out which hole your voice was meant to be heard from, I will never understand/trust/believe you. Smile…and walk away. Think about the salesman…you know they are doing their job…so you appreciate what they are doing, but you politely decline, smile and walk away. The man that says he wants to marry you and for you to have his baby…when you know he’s said the same to others…beautiful words, eloquently spoken…smile and walk away. True words are backed by actions, feelings and emotion and are not repeated verbatim to another. Repeating the same lines over and over again is called scripted. Eventually that script will get old an you will have to revise it. However, when you speak from your heart, when you truthfully express yourself, its freelance, unscripted, uninhibited and spontaneous. That is what gives your words true meaning and special value. When you speak from your heart you may find that YOU forget exactly what you have said, but the person you were speaking to will cherish, embrace and remember every word.
I was in a situation not too long ago where someone said to me, “They were just words, Ronny.” Just words. Just words?? Really? Are you negating the fact that words have meaning or do you just speak to hear the audible vibrations come from your diaphragm and shoot through the hole in your face? If words did not have power everybody would be mute. Words are used to express…just as they are used to manipulate. Whether on paper or from your mouth those words are YOUR liability.
You’ve heard the saying “if it sounds to good to be true…it usually is.” When words come from the heart, you feel it, you see it in body language and with eye contact and you hear it with their tone of voice. No matter if they stutter, fumble the words, or say something completely disarray, you are still able to understand what is trying to be conveyed. When someone is speaking from their ass, you usually catch the stench with it. You then have the choice to ignore the stench and try to cover it up with fragrance. Or…you can tell that person (or say it to yourself), I appreciate the time you have taken to speak with me, but until you figure out which hole your voice was meant to be heard from, I will never understand/trust/believe you. Smile…and walk away. Think about the salesman…you know they are doing their job…so you appreciate what they are doing, but you politely decline, smile and walk away. The man that says he wants to marry you and for you to have his baby…when you know he’s said the same to others…beautiful words, eloquently spoken…smile and walk away. True words are backed by actions, feelings and emotion and are not repeated verbatim to another. Repeating the same lines over and over again is called scripted. Eventually that script will get old an you will have to revise it. However, when you speak from your heart, when you truthfully express yourself, its freelance, unscripted, uninhibited and spontaneous. That is what gives your words true meaning and special value. When you speak from your heart you may find that YOU forget exactly what you have said, but the person you were speaking to will cherish, embrace and remember every word.
Seeking Silence
To be still…silent…peaceful…serene. A meditative state I escape to. Allowing my mind to rest, thoughts stop processing, visions stop seeing, quiet. Blank. I see black…an infinite amount of space that extends far beyond what we could ever image. No sounds, no feelings. No hurt. No pain. No sadness. Just be. The calm-abiding state…gaining access to the stillness of the calm mind. “When our mind abides in calmness, we gain openness, ease, connectedness, loving-kindness, and insight,” Elliot Dacher.
Through our troubles we learn perseverance. Through our pain we gain strength. Through our ignorance we seek knowledge. Through our sorrows there is love. If you sit in silence long enough, you will experience each transformation with a witnessing mind. Give yourself time to be. Just be. Just be still.
Through our troubles we learn perseverance. Through our pain we gain strength. Through our ignorance we seek knowledge. Through our sorrows there is love. If you sit in silence long enough, you will experience each transformation with a witnessing mind. Give yourself time to be. Just be. Just be still.
Until you pray…it won’t get better.
When is the last time you fell to your knees…only to not get up…and cry. God is not testing you…he’s building you up right? Isn’t that what we’re supposed to believe? Keep the faith. It will get better. Don’t give up. It will work out. You’re strong, you will make it. When? Am I wrong for asking? WHEN? He will not give you more than you can bare. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. The scriptures are there. His book is there. I have His book, I see the words, I hear the pastors. But I don’t feel it. I’m sorry God… so sorry…I don’t feel you! WHEN? That scripture…I know I’m doing wrong…I want to do right…but I still do wrong…maybe 2 Corinthians? Am I doing something wrong? Did I not listen enough? WHEN? I’m reaching but can’t grab you…I don’t even know if I can see you anymore…I can’t feel you. WHEN? I WANT you. I NEED you. Please come to me! WHEN! Did I miss it? Did you send all the ships to save me and I turn them away instead? Am I blind? Am I deaf? Cause I. Can’t. Feel. You. And I need you…so badly I need you…to get up from my knees…just please help me get off my knees. I can’t stay down here anymore…my kids need me and I’m on my knees…they cannot see me cry. I don’t’ want them to see me cry anymore. They can’t see their mommy broken no more…I’m tired…just tired. Please. Just please…please…God please.
My Love…I Let Go
I’ve already written what I thought I wanted to say…just to skip over it and start writing again…just to hit delete and start writing again. My Love…where do I begin. I let him go. Why? It was time. Is it forever? I don’t know…Kem says if its love it’ll last forever you just can‘t stop the show…so I guess I’ll find out how much love is between us if the show is in the archives or destroyed. If you’re waiting for me to bash My Love…sorry to disappoint you. If anyone would be bashed it would be me. I cut him off. No warning no nothing. I just did it. I needed to do it. If you’ve read my previous posts then you should already know that I am going through a time where I am really starting to question relationship, love and trust. I don’t trust My Love…he knows that already. Don’t get me wrong…I was starting to. It became real easy to see him everyday…talk to him every day…spend hours…days…and nights together. Seemed like life was almost a fantasy…captured in My Love. Why end it? When you spend a lot of time with someone, you get to know them. You get to recognize their behaviors, their patterns, their habits…their body language. I understand My Love…more than he realizes. To be with him means I have to be okay with certain aspects of our relationship…and I’m just not. I tried…but I just can’t do it. But then that leaves me to wonder, if the aspects of a relationship I AM okay with, the type of relationship I want, is it really out there? Does it truly exist? I don’t know. But what I do know…is that it is not existing with My Love and as much as I want it to it’s not. He’s says maybe it’s me…maybe it is. I don’t trust. Trust is a big part of any relationship. He says he loves me and has been trying to show it everyday… I have seen it… I appreciate it…I love him for it…will his love still be there as I try to figure this out? I don’t know…that is not for me to answer. All I know is my heart has battle wounds that have yet to be healed…scar tissue keeping new life from forming…and a whole lot of fear that I do not know the source of. I personally believe something happened to me that I have blocked out, never grieved for or never dealt with. Something/someone is in the way and I need to take the time to peel through the layers and get to the core.
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