I sit here and think, "Well, it could have been worse." But then think... no. That WAS the worst. The worst feeling I've ever had. You know... in hindsight, it probably could have been worse. However, I am not thinking in hindsight right now.
When I blog, what you read is how I feel at the exact moment as I type. One blog I could be up, and the next blog I could be down. Right now I'm a little bit of both and really don't know what to do with myself. It's 12:30am and here I am... at the computer.
I am the type of person that thinks of every possibility of a situation, usually worst case scenario then work my way up to best case. I do this so I am prepared. My mother on the other hand... thinks of the best case scenario and just sticks with it. If the worst case happens, her reasoning is that it was Gods reason. I admire her for that. For me? I think the worst, that way if it turns out better I can be surprised with great news, and if its the worst then I feel like I have somehow prepared myself to handle it. I don't know... sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
I feel like I have all these words stuck up in me and for some reason I just can't get them out. There's just so much inside of me that I cannot seem to get out. I was attempting to blog to see if this helped... but it's really not. So I am sorry if you feel like you have read a bunch of nothing... just know... there's a LOT... but I guess right now is not the right way/time to get it out...
I hope you are able to get some sleep... I don't think I will be and I have a 4-hour drive to make in the morning :(
No Words
"What do you say when there's no words today?"
I pray.
"There's no words!" you say.
Just pray.
"But what do you say?"
I pray.
"There's no way!"
Then pray.
"Is this a game you play?"
No. Pray.
"I don't know what to say."
That's okay. Say no words when you pray... cause He hears you anyway.
I pray.
"There's no words!" you say.
Just pray.
"But what do you say?"
I pray.
"There's no way!"
Then pray.
"Is this a game you play?"
No. Pray.
"I don't know what to say."
That's okay. Say no words when you pray... cause He hears you anyway.
Inside Out
You ever feel like who you are on the inside doesn't match what you look like on the outside? I'm not talking about feeling pretty/ugly or anything... I'm talking physically. For instance, you ever see someone and be like "Wow they look so smart... or so mean... so strong... so weak... so athletic.. or nonathletic" but when you talk to that person and get to know them, the outside is nothing like who they are on the inside.
I don't think I've ever felt like my outside matched who I am on the inside. I feel like fine china on the inside... but exude that of steel lol Don't get me wrong... I like my body... and I like who I am... I just don't think they match. Of course I can BE steel... but that's a conscious decision... I don't think that's who I am.
Misunderstood. Because people tend to judge by the cover... so many of us are misunderstood. Think about it... if you see a 6'7" tall athletic looking man, the first thought that comes to mind is, "He must play basketball." When the reality is, he's a bookworm that loves to design computer programs and has no interest in any type of sport.
I love ballet. I always loved ballet since I was little. However, I was told I wasn't built for ballet. So I never tried it. When I did track in high school... I wanted to be a high jumper and long jumper. However, I was told I should be a thrower and was placed with the throwers. I was great at throwing... but I never loved it. Every time I tried to long jump or high jump, my coach would purposely make our throwing sessions so they conflicted with the jumpers sessions. I don't regret throwing... it opened many doors and opportunities for me. But inside, I never felt like a thrower. I felt like I belonged on the dance team lol However, I wasn't built for it.
You have the body of X... therefore you should be a Y. While most of the time that happens... it's not ALWAYS the case. If you have the body of a ballerina... and you love ballet... then you should be a ballerina. However, if you don't have the body of a ballerina... but you love ballet... you can still be a ballerina.
I guess my point is... your body is not who you are. It's who's inside that body that determines who you are. Nobody said I wanted to be a professional ballerina... but I would have at least loved to learn the sport. Who knows... maybe I could have coached someone who fits the description of a ballerina and also loves it.
Anyway... Find ways to express who you are on the inside... while still cherishing that beautiful canvas which displays daily... and is necessary for your soul to reside in. By doing what you love, regardless of what you look like, maybe it will force others to see a different cover to the contents of the book.
I don't think I've ever felt like my outside matched who I am on the inside. I feel like fine china on the inside... but exude that of steel lol Don't get me wrong... I like my body... and I like who I am... I just don't think they match. Of course I can BE steel... but that's a conscious decision... I don't think that's who I am.
Misunderstood. Because people tend to judge by the cover... so many of us are misunderstood. Think about it... if you see a 6'7" tall athletic looking man, the first thought that comes to mind is, "He must play basketball." When the reality is, he's a bookworm that loves to design computer programs and has no interest in any type of sport.
I love ballet. I always loved ballet since I was little. However, I was told I wasn't built for ballet. So I never tried it. When I did track in high school... I wanted to be a high jumper and long jumper. However, I was told I should be a thrower and was placed with the throwers. I was great at throwing... but I never loved it. Every time I tried to long jump or high jump, my coach would purposely make our throwing sessions so they conflicted with the jumpers sessions. I don't regret throwing... it opened many doors and opportunities for me. But inside, I never felt like a thrower. I felt like I belonged on the dance team lol However, I wasn't built for it.
You have the body of X... therefore you should be a Y. While most of the time that happens... it's not ALWAYS the case. If you have the body of a ballerina... and you love ballet... then you should be a ballerina. However, if you don't have the body of a ballerina... but you love ballet... you can still be a ballerina.
I guess my point is... your body is not who you are. It's who's inside that body that determines who you are. Nobody said I wanted to be a professional ballerina... but I would have at least loved to learn the sport. Who knows... maybe I could have coached someone who fits the description of a ballerina and also loves it.
Anyway... Find ways to express who you are on the inside... while still cherishing that beautiful canvas which displays daily... and is necessary for your soul to reside in. By doing what you love, regardless of what you look like, maybe it will force others to see a different cover to the contents of the book.
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