It's so easy to talk about all the bad things that go on in my life...or how I've just come out of a bad situation or something...or about love and how I sometimes don't get it or when I do get and it and am loving it...or not loving it...You know...juicy news is gossipy type news right? I don't have any juicy news today, but I just felt like writing. I'm sure I'll think of something as I type.
Life is good. Nothing is happening the way I expected it to happen...but it's not a bad thing. My kids are getting on my nerves at this very moment. They are both lacking an "inside" voice and it's giving me a headache. My child has these toys called beyblades...noisy and irritating. However, its making him happy until my little one interrupts his games and cracks up laughing...lol I shouldn't be laughing too, but its so funny to watch him giggle. Well...i guess he got tired of getting interrupted and now he is writing like me :) ..and my little one is drawing pictures (still lacking the inside voice). I was just told, "Mommy if you bury yourself, you'll become a sandman." lol love my babies.
Karate Kid with Jaden Smith is on my TV. It stays in the DVD player EVERY day and we watch this movie EVERY day. Why? Cable in the house, but not in my room. Can't remember the last time I really watched TV. I'm more of a radio/music girl. Can listen to the radio all day long, but maybe watch an hour of TV. My kids are the same...they rarely watch TV but will keep active in other ways. It's a blessing and a curse...the days you want them to sit still and watch TV they want to run and act crazy. Oh well...I'll take running and crazy over being couch potatoes any day.
I have nothing important to talk about. My Love is on his way over to stop by and give me a kiss :) I look like shit because i took my hair out of the ponytail. Will i fix it before he gets here...nope. Why? Don't feel like it.
It's past my kids bedtime...they are stalling...need water...has to poop...needs to put on deodorant...forgot to put a book away...forgot to tell me something, a thousand things. Well...I must go. Being in their room on my computer is keeping them awake. Plus I have to go outside to get my kiss...which may cause us to end up inside *wink wink* lol Goodnight!
Obama'tics
I am not one to dig too deep into politics, but I too can have my opinion. Last month I went to buy my parents birthday cards and I couldn't believe how many birthday cards they had that made fun of President Obama and his office. I understand not everyone is going to like the president or agree with him, but when did that give people the right to be disrespectful?
My personal thoughts on Obama is that too many people are expecting this man to fix decades of mistakes...in four years. I voted for Obama because he represented something different. His thought process was different, his ideas were different and I wanted to see a change in our leadership. I didn't expect him or anyone else that was running to be able to get the country out of debt in four years. However, I wanted to see somebody try something new...regardless if it failed or not.
Like I said, I know everyone is not going to like the president or agree with his plans. However, as an American, living in the United States, I think he deserves respect from us all. Change takes time and it also takes a combined effort from the president AND the people. If you disagree with what the president is doing...that's fine. What are YOU doing to try to help then? Picture yourself in a position of leadership...how would you want to be treated? What would you want/need from the people you are overseeing? Just a thought...take it as you like.
My personal thoughts on Obama is that too many people are expecting this man to fix decades of mistakes...in four years. I voted for Obama because he represented something different. His thought process was different, his ideas were different and I wanted to see a change in our leadership. I didn't expect him or anyone else that was running to be able to get the country out of debt in four years. However, I wanted to see somebody try something new...regardless if it failed or not.
Like I said, I know everyone is not going to like the president or agree with his plans. However, as an American, living in the United States, I think he deserves respect from us all. Change takes time and it also takes a combined effort from the president AND the people. If you disagree with what the president is doing...that's fine. What are YOU doing to try to help then? Picture yourself in a position of leadership...how would you want to be treated? What would you want/need from the people you are overseeing? Just a thought...take it as you like.
Life's Not Over Til You're Dead
I died today...in a scenario for work. It was an eye opener because I didn't do everything I could have done to stay alive. I went blank and forgot a lot of the tools I learned that could have saved my life. I managed to stay calm, but I neglected to move with purpose. The same goes for my life, I have managed to remain calm, I don't get angry at HALF the stuff I used to, and I want the small meaningful things in my life every day. I have a job that whenever I clock in for work, I may not come home again. I never thought of it like that.
I want to be surrounded by the people I love...everyday. I enjoy coloring/drawing with my kids, whereas before I would tell them to do it so they could leave me alone. I'm missing having a family. My home now is full of people, my roommates plus me and my kids, but there's nothing like coming home to your own home with your own family. Even though my marriage didn't work out, that is one thing I do miss...the days we came home and were together as a family. Sitting at the dinner table, watching movies, kids playing near by, house slightly messy, but we were together and happy. I'm missing those moments.
I am grateful for where I am today...very grateful. I couldn't be on a better path because I know I am on the right one. I just appreciate everything just a little bit more than I used to and gave up fighting over the nonsense. I would fight so hard for things and do things at the drop of a dime, just to keep myself moving. But what I am learning, especially after today, is to move with purpose, not just to keep moving. You can run around and be a busy-body all day, but if you're not going towards your purpose, your movements will not get you anywhere. That's not the way I want to die. I want to die knowing I have fulfilled my purpose and made meaningful movements in my and my kids life. I want to know I've done everything I could to meet my purpose. I have finally been able to live in a calm/peaceful manner, but I want to make sure every step I take from now on...has purpose in my life.
Rambling...i know. Again...why I blog.
I want to be surrounded by the people I love...everyday. I enjoy coloring/drawing with my kids, whereas before I would tell them to do it so they could leave me alone. I'm missing having a family. My home now is full of people, my roommates plus me and my kids, but there's nothing like coming home to your own home with your own family. Even though my marriage didn't work out, that is one thing I do miss...the days we came home and were together as a family. Sitting at the dinner table, watching movies, kids playing near by, house slightly messy, but we were together and happy. I'm missing those moments.
I am grateful for where I am today...very grateful. I couldn't be on a better path because I know I am on the right one. I just appreciate everything just a little bit more than I used to and gave up fighting over the nonsense. I would fight so hard for things and do things at the drop of a dime, just to keep myself moving. But what I am learning, especially after today, is to move with purpose, not just to keep moving. You can run around and be a busy-body all day, but if you're not going towards your purpose, your movements will not get you anywhere. That's not the way I want to die. I want to die knowing I have fulfilled my purpose and made meaningful movements in my and my kids life. I want to know I've done everything I could to meet my purpose. I have finally been able to live in a calm/peaceful manner, but I want to make sure every step I take from now on...has purpose in my life.
Rambling...i know. Again...why I blog.
One of....?? No. Only.
I don't know how to be "one of" someone's women. I see it everyday...some women can do it. I can't. I won't. If I can't be the only one...then I don't want to be with you at all. I've written on it before...but it keeps surfacing in my life on a daily basis. I know plenty of women that are okay with being the "main" chick, "side" chick, or "some" chick...in a man's life. I'm not knocking it, I understand many of the reasoning... I just don't prefer that for myself. Let me tell you... it gets REAL lonely REAL quick lol...just playin. But sometimes I really do wonder if the women that say they are okay...are really okay.
Why is that okay? What makes you okay with it?
I'm not okay with it, and I've been called jealous and insecure because of it. I'm not jealous...never been the jealous type. If I were jealous of another woman then that means I wish I were her, had what she had, does what she does or something right? Well, put it this way.. if i am the "other" woman, why would I be jealous of the "main" chick? He's not faithful to her either! What's so special about that?? I've been called insecure when I accused a man I was messing with, with messing with somebody else. How was I insecure? I have no idea...cause I was right. He was messing with somebody else. But I guess that makes me a jealous, insecure woman. So be it lol idgaf.
I'm selfish. I will definitely admit that and very territorial...what's mine is mine. I don't see anything wrong with that. If you're my man...you're just that...MY man. Duh. But when you bring ying, yang, yo and bee into the equation, I'd rather take myself out and be by myself. I'm not sharing and if that means I have to go... Cool. Somewhere there is a man that believes my philosophy. If not...oh well. God and my kids are always good enough :)
But because my mind never really stops at one answer...I also just figure fidelity just isn't a high priority for a lot of people. Money, materialistic things, secure/stable lifestyle, or just being comfortable and not wanting to rock the boat is sufficient enough to keep them happy; even if their honey dips out a couple times. That's cool...I get it. But like I said...it's just not me and most likely will never be.
Why is that okay? What makes you okay with it?
I'm not okay with it, and I've been called jealous and insecure because of it. I'm not jealous...never been the jealous type. If I were jealous of another woman then that means I wish I were her, had what she had, does what she does or something right? Well, put it this way.. if i am the "other" woman, why would I be jealous of the "main" chick? He's not faithful to her either! What's so special about that?? I've been called insecure when I accused a man I was messing with, with messing with somebody else. How was I insecure? I have no idea...cause I was right. He was messing with somebody else. But I guess that makes me a jealous, insecure woman. So be it lol idgaf.
I'm selfish. I will definitely admit that and very territorial...what's mine is mine. I don't see anything wrong with that. If you're my man...you're just that...MY man. Duh. But when you bring ying, yang, yo and bee into the equation, I'd rather take myself out and be by myself. I'm not sharing and if that means I have to go... Cool. Somewhere there is a man that believes my philosophy. If not...oh well. God and my kids are always good enough :)
But because my mind never really stops at one answer...I also just figure fidelity just isn't a high priority for a lot of people. Money, materialistic things, secure/stable lifestyle, or just being comfortable and not wanting to rock the boat is sufficient enough to keep them happy; even if their honey dips out a couple times. That's cool...I get it. But like I said...it's just not me and most likely will never be.
Wishy Washy
Ever been called wishy washy? I have. I take offense to that lol. I didn't know you're never allowed to change your mind. Who said you have to stick with one decision for the rest of your life? My choices are not like a marriage...I'm not signing a contract every time I decide what I want for dinner, wherever I want to go, or whoever I want to be with.
I am in a blogging mood...(i'm supposed to be writing a paper). But anyway...I was reading some of my older posts from this summer and realized...I changed my mind a lot when it came to "My Love" amongst other things. If I think that...i'm sure you've thought that too...if you read all my posts.
Here's what I have to say to that. THAT'S WHY I BLOG. My mind is ALWAYS going. There is rarely a moment when I'm not thinking about something. Sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I change my mind and sometimes I think, "What was I thinking?" But that's why I blog! My blogs are not some well thought out, revised papers that I took a lot of time thinking about before I post. I write, spell and grammar check just because that stuff really annoys me, but other than that...what you see is what you get. My true thoughts at that very moment in time. If you have an opinion of my blog...there's a reason why there's a "comment" box/link underneath it.
As for being called "wishy washy"...I consider myself an Einstein of thoughts, imagination and creativity :) I'm sure Einstein went back and forth with MANY different equations before he came up with e=mc2...think about it...
I am in a blogging mood...(i'm supposed to be writing a paper). But anyway...I was reading some of my older posts from this summer and realized...I changed my mind a lot when it came to "My Love" amongst other things. If I think that...i'm sure you've thought that too...if you read all my posts.
Here's what I have to say to that. THAT'S WHY I BLOG. My mind is ALWAYS going. There is rarely a moment when I'm not thinking about something. Sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I change my mind and sometimes I think, "What was I thinking?" But that's why I blog! My blogs are not some well thought out, revised papers that I took a lot of time thinking about before I post. I write, spell and grammar check just because that stuff really annoys me, but other than that...what you see is what you get. My true thoughts at that very moment in time. If you have an opinion of my blog...there's a reason why there's a "comment" box/link underneath it.
As for being called "wishy washy"...I consider myself an Einstein of thoughts, imagination and creativity :) I'm sure Einstein went back and forth with MANY different equations before he came up with e=mc2...think about it...
Love
Pastor spoke about Love Language today in church. Ironic because I have just recently learned my love language. I have also been deeply soul-searching about love, what it entails, if I could really do it...just what does it really mean to love; myself, my kids, family, a man, God.
I love God to no end. God is in me...He permeates through me. I do not exist without God. I love God by just being open to His love. God is different from man. He knows every ounce of my being, my thoughts, my motives, nothing I do will make his love go away. Because of that, I can't help but to love Him for me and all I have and for who He is.
I love myself. I do this by taking care of my mind, body and spirit. I love my kids by providing for them, talking with them, enjoying them, learning from them, listening, playing, disciplining and by being the best mom I can be. I love my family by praying for them, as I do not get to see them very often...calling them regularly to touch base, and by visiting to show my presence and that I care.
Those four types of love come very easily to me and very naturally. No matter what I do or what happens to me, I still love myself first. I will always love my kids because they are mine... a part of me and will always be. Same with my family.
The only love I used to struggle with was loving a man. I say "used to" because I believe I have learned how to love a man. A relationship with a man/woman is different from family and God. That person you choose to love is not naturally a part of you. Technically they are not a part of you until marriage; in God's eyes.
So how do you love a person that is not a part of you? Think of your friends. Your best friends, the tried and true ones that will stick with you through the end. What is it about them that makes you keep them around? Want them around? Need them around? Friends complete what you are not. Make sense? Family is connected by blood, traits, genes, cells. What connects you to your friends? It's like a puzzle. you cannot connect a puzzle piece unless there is a section cut out for the next piece to go in. Your friends have a section, whether big or small, that is cut out for you to fit in. Each friend brings a different aspect to your life that enhances your overall well-being.
Hopefully the man/woman you love is your friend first. The person has to have a piece missing for you to fit in, to connect and become one. Have you ever tried to fit the wrong puzzle piece into the wrong space? It may look like it was supposed to go there, but for some reason it just won't snap into place. It may not fit into that exact space but you know it is part of the puzzle.
That's how I feel about love. Everyone comes into your life for a reason. Each person teaches you something whether you take notice to it or not. You don't make a mistake by loving someone. Love is never wrong, an accident, or a bad choice. You are never wrong for loving someone, regardless of who they are or what they did/do. God is love, love is of God. However, it is possible that your piece of love is trying to fit into the wrong hole in the puzzle. You may want to force it into that space, but God intended for that love to be put into another place; person. The puzzle is your life. Everyone you love, or who loves you, is a part of your life. You may not always end up with that specific person, but you were never wrong for loving them. Your love was never wasted, just left in the wrong space of the puzzle. There is also a possibility that your piece is supposed to be connected to the other piece, but you're jamming it into the wrong side of the piece. You two could be meant for each other, but you have yet to figure out how to get connected on the right sides. There are four sides to a puzzle piece. There are four sides to you: mental, physical, spiritual and emotional. You could have three sides connected but, still missing one. Love needs all four sides to be connected in order for a true, ever-lasting relationship to exist.
Thoughts from me...hope u can make some sense of what I call the matter that fills up the space in my head.
I love God to no end. God is in me...He permeates through me. I do not exist without God. I love God by just being open to His love. God is different from man. He knows every ounce of my being, my thoughts, my motives, nothing I do will make his love go away. Because of that, I can't help but to love Him for me and all I have and for who He is.
I love myself. I do this by taking care of my mind, body and spirit. I love my kids by providing for them, talking with them, enjoying them, learning from them, listening, playing, disciplining and by being the best mom I can be. I love my family by praying for them, as I do not get to see them very often...calling them regularly to touch base, and by visiting to show my presence and that I care.
Those four types of love come very easily to me and very naturally. No matter what I do or what happens to me, I still love myself first. I will always love my kids because they are mine... a part of me and will always be. Same with my family.
The only love I used to struggle with was loving a man. I say "used to" because I believe I have learned how to love a man. A relationship with a man/woman is different from family and God. That person you choose to love is not naturally a part of you. Technically they are not a part of you until marriage; in God's eyes.
So how do you love a person that is not a part of you? Think of your friends. Your best friends, the tried and true ones that will stick with you through the end. What is it about them that makes you keep them around? Want them around? Need them around? Friends complete what you are not. Make sense? Family is connected by blood, traits, genes, cells. What connects you to your friends? It's like a puzzle. you cannot connect a puzzle piece unless there is a section cut out for the next piece to go in. Your friends have a section, whether big or small, that is cut out for you to fit in. Each friend brings a different aspect to your life that enhances your overall well-being.
Hopefully the man/woman you love is your friend first. The person has to have a piece missing for you to fit in, to connect and become one. Have you ever tried to fit the wrong puzzle piece into the wrong space? It may look like it was supposed to go there, but for some reason it just won't snap into place. It may not fit into that exact space but you know it is part of the puzzle.
That's how I feel about love. Everyone comes into your life for a reason. Each person teaches you something whether you take notice to it or not. You don't make a mistake by loving someone. Love is never wrong, an accident, or a bad choice. You are never wrong for loving someone, regardless of who they are or what they did/do. God is love, love is of God. However, it is possible that your piece of love is trying to fit into the wrong hole in the puzzle. You may want to force it into that space, but God intended for that love to be put into another place; person. The puzzle is your life. Everyone you love, or who loves you, is a part of your life. You may not always end up with that specific person, but you were never wrong for loving them. Your love was never wasted, just left in the wrong space of the puzzle. There is also a possibility that your piece is supposed to be connected to the other piece, but you're jamming it into the wrong side of the piece. You two could be meant for each other, but you have yet to figure out how to get connected on the right sides. There are four sides to a puzzle piece. There are four sides to you: mental, physical, spiritual and emotional. You could have three sides connected but, still missing one. Love needs all four sides to be connected in order for a true, ever-lasting relationship to exist.
Thoughts from me...hope u can make some sense of what I call the matter that fills up the space in my head.
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