Life's Not Over Til You're Dead

I died today...in a scenario for work. It was an eye opener because I didn't do everything I could have done to stay alive. I went blank and forgot a lot of the tools I learned that could have saved my life. I managed to stay calm, but I neglected to move with purpose. The same goes for my life, I have managed to remain calm, I don't get angry at HALF the stuff I used to, and I want the small meaningful things in my life every day. I have a job that whenever I clock in for work, I may not come home again. I never thought of it like that.

I want to be surrounded by the people I love...everyday. I enjoy coloring/drawing with my kids, whereas before I would tell them to do it so they could leave me alone. I'm missing having a family. My home now is full of people, my roommates plus me and my kids, but there's nothing like coming home to your own home with your own family. Even though my marriage didn't work out, that is one thing I do miss...the days we came home and were together as a family. Sitting at the dinner table, watching movies, kids playing near by, house slightly messy, but we were together and happy. I'm missing those moments.

I am grateful for where I am today...very grateful. I couldn't be on a better path because I know I am on the right one. I just appreciate everything just a little bit more than I used to and gave up fighting over the nonsense. I would fight so hard for things and do things at the drop of a dime, just to keep myself moving. But what I am learning, especially after today, is to move with purpose, not just to keep moving. You can run around and be a busy-body all day, but if you're not going towards your purpose, your movements will not get you anywhere. That's not the way I want to die. I want to die knowing I have fulfilled my purpose and made meaningful movements in my and my kids life. I want to know I've done everything I could to meet my purpose. I have finally been able to live in a calm/peaceful manner, but I want to make sure every step I take from now on...has purpose in my life.

Rambling...i know. Again...why I blog.