~A Piece of Mind~: March 2013

We're not always going to be... who we once were. If you're not changing as you get older, then you are really missing out on life. Change is necessary for growth, otherwise you will become complacent and never truly get the opportunity to see all the world has to offer.

When I was younger, I hated change. I wanted to stay in the same house, go to the same school, keep the same friends, have my family around all the time... etc. I didn't want anything to change. I was happy with things just the way they were. However, as my parents and those around me grew... change occurred. We moved into a bigger home in a different neighborhood.. my sister got married and moved to VA, my brothers went off to college... my parents STARTED college... all as I was going through my teenage years. So many things were different, and I can't honestly say I liked all of it. Although I didn't LIKE it, I can now look back and realize it was necessary.

On one hand I understand change can be good... but on the other hand, is there a such thing as too much change? or is there an appropriate time for change? do you just suck it up and take change as it comes... or is it supposed to be planned and orchestrated?

I had a thought... but lost it.

All I keep thinking is.. I've gone through so much... experienced so much change... just to sit here and think.. you know what? I have come full circle back to the person I originally was in the first place. It just took a lot of change to realize who I was in the beginning... and that I am in essence the same person today. I am okay with her... me... and no matter what changes around me... I am still the same. I can spare change... because it will never really change who I am to begin with; the complete opposite of my opening statement in this blog :)

Men who cheat... just cain't get right. Yup, I'ma vent on this one. And I hope all you "cheaters"... those "stepping out".. or those "whatever ya wanna call yuhselves" are reading this too.

If things ain't right at "home"... meaning... YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP... you CAN'T fix it by getting involved with another woman! Did you hear me??????

YOU CAN'T FIX "HOME" WITH ANOTHER WOMAN!

Now... if you're trying to fuck up your home... then yes.. that is a possible solution. However, I can't tell you how many men fuck around thinking it's an "out" to their current relationship... and to their surprise... their girl STILL stays with them after they find out. So what do the men do?? Fuck around some more!! Duhhhhh!

So... I've been blogging for about 2-3 years now... so I really can't remember ALL of things I have shared. So forgive me if I am repeating myself to my loyal followers.

I swear I have some sort of sign on my forehead that says, "If you have a girlfriend or are married... Holla at me!" I'm not going to lie.. yes I have messed with both a married man AND a man with a girlfriend. I have also been the woman.. of a man who was fucking around. So yes.. I've been on both ends. However, as much as I am trying to change old habits... I keep getting approached by the "taken" ones... and not the single ones. Let me rephrase that... you see.. I once asked a man if he was "taken" and he said no. And then I see him with a girl by his side. So I said to him, "Maybe I shouldn't have asked if you were taken. So I am asking, are you available?" and his reply was, "Taken.. to me means you're married. I am not married. But I am also not really available." I mean... really? WTF.

Why do I have to jump through hoops for a man to admit he has a girl in his life.. and that NO it is not okay for you to be approaching other women.. when you ALREADY GOT ONE! Stop being so damn greedy!!

I'm not really sure where I am going with this... because I am venting. When I vent... I can't say I make sense or that anything will be said in a particular order.

I was recently involved with a man with a girlfriend. I was told things like, things were very shaky at home and he wasn't sure how much longer it would last... she wants to be married and he's not even sure he wants to marry at all... let alone to her... cheating runs in the family and somehow he's inherited the gene (that last one was my paraphrase... not his words exactly).. but you get where I'm going. So i consistently asked, "So how are you figuring out what to do with her... if you're here with me?" lets just say... ANYTHING i asked... was never directly answered. Danced around very well I would say.

So that relationship... I ended.

I start going out to meet some new people. Boom! The minute I walk into the bar I meet two cool guys that I sat with and began to converse with. The one that spoke to me first, we'll call him #1, was really cool. He was the cousin of the other fella, #2. So while #1 is in the bathroom, #2 asked me if 40yrs old is too old for me. I say... I'm not sure. The night progresses and I'm realizing these guys are pretty cool and fun... so we go next door to the next bar to listen to the reggae band. So #2 begins to REALLY make his move. Sitting all close to me... asking me all kinds of questions... then says, "why don't you have a man?" I said... "I was talking to someone, but he has a girlfriend. I seem to attract married men or men with girlfriends. Do you have a girlfriend? You're not married are you?" soon as I said that, his head dropped. He goes... well... I AM married. SAY HUH??? WTF!!!!! Then he proceeds to say, "So I can't see you?" I said, "No. I can say hi to you every now and then.. but that's about it. Nothing more." Long story short... he wasn't feeling my answer. So i got up and went to talk to another man.

Next dude was cool too, we'll call him #3. Made great convo... he looked good. He was actually making eye contact with me the entire time I was with #2.. and when we spoke, he said he thought #2 was my boyfriend. Man #3 was with a buddy too, #4... that seemed cool but knew #3 liked me so #4 barely said a word to me. Time goes by... he asked why I left dude #2. I said because he's married. Boom! Dude #3's head dropped and he goes, "Well I am married too." SAY HUH!!! W....T....F!!!!

The only reason I am sharing this story is because if you haven't noticed, both #2 and #3 were with SINGLE friends but decided to try for me themselves. Fuckin SELFISH ASS NIGGAS!! #1 and #4 were both really cool and I enjoyed their company! Why the fuck aint' #2 and #3 hook me up with their friends.. being that they were already married and their friends weren't????? SELFISH ASS NIGGAS!

Think it gets better??? Nope.

There's a guy... that I KNOW has been interested in me. I knew it from day one when we met. However, I also know that he is married. He's never made a move, never been disrespectful. Until recently. Said he couldn't take it anymore and had to tell me how he felt. I say, "But you're married." He says, "well, if I am telling you how i feel... then obviously something ain't right (meaning at home)." So I say, "Well, either fix that situation or end it. I'm available... you are not. Holla if/when you are available." He was not liking that response. Here's what I have to say to that..

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY RESPONSE!! I AM SINGLE!!! IF YOU ARE NOT SINGLE... YOU WILL NOT BE GETTING INVOLVED WITH ME!!!

Men!! Just CAINT GET RIGHT! How is it that you don't understand.. fucking around with another woman is not fair to her... OR your woman. Your ass is being greedy and in return... fucking with other peoples lives and emotions.

Now there is an exception... if you are involved in those types of "open" relationships and your girl is cool with you stepping out... good for you. You are a lucky man and I am sure many men are envious of you. HOWEVER, I am NOT the one you will be stepping out with! I don't care if she says its okay... I do not want some other woman's man. Point blank.

Single = no attachment, relationship, marriage. You can go where you want, with whoever you want, whenever you want, without having to check in on anyone or report to anyone. You can disappear for a weekend without giving an explanation to anyone.

I am very happy being single. I can be very happy in a relationship too. But if I had to choose between being with a non-single man and being by myself??? I will always win.

Whew! that was a long one! but feels good to get out...

~A Piece of Mind~

Spare Change

Cain't Get Right

Your Presence is Heaven to Me