Your Letter

Dear Love,

Thank you so much for surrounding me every day. I feel your presence when I am down and because of you I am able to be lifted up every time. These past few years have been pretty rough. My heart would not let you in no matter how many times you tried to squeeze through...but somehow you've managed to not only get in, but to get in an spread completely through my every being.

It's hard to live a life without you. I know this because at one point I didn't have you. If I don't have you...I can't share you. A life without you is full of anger...resentment...hurt and pain. It took some time...but I am so thankful to have you back in my life.

I have just finished listening to Whitney Houston sing "The Greatest Love of All." She is right...I find my strength in you. I am such a better person inside and out because of you. You make me feel so good inside that I just want to smile as much as possible.

Tomorrow is your day! I will be wearing your color...which is my favorite color...and send you to as many people as I can. Thank you so much for all you have done...

Yours,

~Ronny~

Sniff a Dick

Men can smell when another man goes near their woman. Even if it's not TECHNICALLY their woman, if a man has a general interest in you...the minute another dick gets near you...he will start acting funny. However...this only will happen when you are with a man. If you're single and looking...or waiting..nothing will happen until you decide to be with a man. Then...all the men you thought about while you were single will call you...text you...you'll bump into them at the grocery store and at the gas station. Pick the most random spot...that's where you will bump into the man you were thinking about...before you decided to be with your boo.

I had a boo once...he never payed attention to ANYTHING or ANYWHERE I went. The one night I decided to hang out with an old guy-friend...my boo decided to call me a thousand times before I got into the car...then proceeded to text me every five minutes for the next 10 hours. Obviously this is exaggerated...but my boo called me a LOT more than he would have.. had I been alone that night. I always say men smell dick a mile away.

I've never considered myself a cheater. It takes too much lying and sneaking around to cheat. Don't get me wrong...I've tried it before and BOOM...caught within what..the first day??? Mind you...I never even slept with the guy...just went to a bar for a drink. But yea...caught. I gave it up after that. It's just not in me to lie like that. I don't think it's necessary. There are so many people out there that are okay with their mate fuckin other people and spending time with the other sex...that there really is no need to lie and cheat. WHY? I still have yet to understand.

Sometimes I think I should just go with the flow...and do what most people do. Be with one person, but have another on the side...or several on the side. Have the "open" relationship...and not care or be Ray Charles to that side of the relationship...as long as my man is coming home to me every night. But then I think...nope. Not for me. I just want one. One is enough. I want one person to have me and all my love...and I want the same in return. Everything I have prayed for has been answered already...except that.

It makes me think of the story about the guy stuck on a rock as the tide began to rise. He says, "God...save me!" A boat came by...the rescuers told the guy to get in...and the guy says, "No! I'm waiting for God...He will save me. Then a helicopter drops down a rope and the rescuers tell the guy to climb up. The guy says, "No! I'm waiting for God...He will save me!" Long story short...the tide rises and the guy drowns. When he gets to heaven he says, "God! Why didn't you save me?" and God replied, "I sent a boat and a helicopter!"

That's how I feel about my man situation. I wonder if I'm praying for God to tell me an answer...and God is saying to me, "Don't you see the million neon flags flying right in front of your face? I used red flags for your ex-husband, but since you didn't see those...I switched to neon this time around!"

Late night thoughts...goodnight. I have work tomorrow...

Pure Mud

Pure mud. Think about it...when you look at mud, do you see purity? When you think of pure...what comes to mind? White...virgin...liquor lol...but seriously..pure mud?

It is what it is. Mud. Can mud be pure? If you ever look at the definition of pure, it means "unmixed with any other matter." So think again...can mud be pure? What is mud? Dirt mixed with water.

Why am I so stuck on this...because I've felt like mud before. Water can be pure...but dirt? Mixing pure with impure leaves you with what...impure. However, that's not true when it comes to God. Stay with me now...God is pure. Nothing is mixed with God because God is. There is none before Him...nothing mixed with Him...He just is. We, however, are like mud. We have a little bit of this..a lil bit of that..lil bit of him/her...in us. Lots of different things, environments, people affect who we are inside and mix us all up like mud. When you take a good look at yourself, what do you see? I see mud. A lot of stuff mixed all up in me.

I may see mud, but I know my mud is pure. I know...how can my mud be pure when I just said mud is impure. My mud is pure because I have God in me. When I look at me, I may see mud, but all God sees is purity. He sees my heart...He is my heart. I always tell people, if you have God and a pure heart, everything will be fine. I am not saying you will never sin...but if you unknowingly do something wrong, with pure intentions, God will still bless you. If you confess the sins you have knowingly committed, God will still bless you. We cannot be perfect. Nobody is perfect. However, I believe people with impure intentions and impure hearts are surrounding us every day...and it's only a matter of time before those people realize they are living a life of impurity.

I'm not even sure if what I just said makes sense...but it makes sense to me :) It's so easy to judge others, look at them and see mud all over the place. But amidst the mud...there may be purity. Watch people around you closely. You can determine who has pure mud and who's mud needs a washin. But just because YOU may not be able to see the purity right away, doesn't mean it's not there at all. In due time, the truth always prevails...and God is the truth.