Until you pray…it won’t get better.

When is the last time you fell to your knees…only to not get up…and cry. God is not testing you…he’s building you up right? Isn’t that what we’re supposed to believe? Keep the faith. It will get better. Don’t give up. It will work out. You’re strong, you will make it. When? Am I wrong for asking? WHEN? He will not give you more than you can bare. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. The scriptures are there. His book is there. I have His book, I see the words, I hear the pastors. But I don’t feel it. I’m sorry God… so sorry…I don’t feel you! WHEN? That scripture…I know I’m doing wrong…I want to do right…but I still do wrong…maybe 2 Corinthians? Am I doing something wrong? Did I not listen enough? WHEN? I’m reaching but can’t grab you…I don’t even know if I can see you anymore…I can’t feel you. WHEN? I WANT you. I NEED you. Please come to me! WHEN! Did I miss it? Did you send all the ships to save me and I turn them away instead? Am I blind? Am I deaf? Cause I. Can’t. Feel. You. And I need you…so badly I need you…to get up from my knees…just please help me get off my knees. I can’t stay down here anymore…my kids need me and I’m on my knees…they cannot see me cry. I don’t’ want them to see me cry anymore. They can’t see their mommy broken no more…I’m tired…just tired. Please. Just please…please…God please.