My Love…I Let Go

I’ve already written what I thought I wanted to say…just to skip over it and start writing again…just to hit delete and start writing again. My Love…where do I begin. I let him go. Why? It was time. Is it forever? I don’t know…Kem says if its love it’ll last forever you just can‘t stop the show…so I guess I’ll find out how much love is between us if the show is in the archives or destroyed. If you’re waiting for me to bash My Love…sorry to disappoint you. If anyone would be bashed it would be me. I cut him off. No warning no nothing. I just did it. I needed to do it. If you’ve read my previous posts then you should already know that I am going through a time where I am really starting to question relationship, love and trust. I don’t trust My Love…he knows that already. Don’t get me wrong…I was starting to. It became real easy to see him everyday…talk to him every day…spend hours…days…and nights together. Seemed like life was almost a fantasy…captured in My Love. Why end it? When you spend a lot of time with someone, you get to know them. You get to recognize their behaviors, their patterns, their habits…their body language. I understand My Love…more than he realizes. To be with him means I have to be okay with certain aspects of our relationship…and I’m just not. I tried…but I just can’t do it. But then that leaves me to wonder, if the aspects of a relationship I AM okay with, the type of relationship I want, is it really out there? Does it truly exist? I don’t know. But what I do know…is that it is not existing with My Love and as much as I want it to it’s not. He’s says maybe it’s me…maybe it is. I don’t trust. Trust is a big part of any relationship. He says he loves me and has been trying to show it everyday… I have seen it… I appreciate it…I love him for it…will his love still be there as I try to figure this out? I don’t know…that is not for me to answer. All I know is my heart has battle wounds that have yet to be healed…scar tissue keeping new life from forming…and a whole lot of fear that I do not know the source of. I personally believe something happened to me that I have blocked out, never grieved for or never dealt with. Something/someone is in the way and I need to take the time to peel through the layers and get to the core.