What’s wrong with her…why she so quiet?

When I was little I was VERY shy. I can remember being at somebody’s house for HOURS just sitting in the same spot on the sofa, not saying word and watching the other kids play. I stayed very close to my mom or dad wherever we went and would freak out inside if they were dropping us off to be babysat or something. I often wonder how I ended up being so shy, especially because I am the youngest of six kids. Our house was often full of people and friends and there I was, off hiding somewhere…freaked out by it all, until I got comfortable enough to come out. When I think about it…it’s just ridiculous. But that’s just how it was…and sometimes still is. Being shy as a kid is sometimes not so bad because sometimes others think it’s cute and make an effort to get to know you. But it’s when it stays with you as you grow up, that it can really affect you in a negative way…at least it did for me. I hated school…all of it. Elementary, junior high and high school. I don’t remember a lot about it, but I do remember hating it. Every day to get on that bus and go to that place annoyed the hell out of me ‘cause I’d have much rather stayed home. Being shy always annoyed my mom and my sister. My dad is very reserved himself, I wouldn‘t say shy, but he never bothered me about it. But even today, I can hear in my head the many times my mom or sister would yell at me and say, “Speak up! You better learn to talk! Open your mouth Marie!” I can laugh about it now, but boy did they always get on my nerves with that! So anyway…does being shy affect me now? Definitely. I can talk, I can open my mouth and I can speak up now compared to when I was younger…but that is not without concentrated effort and years of practice. I read somewhere that in order to overcome being shy, you have to practice being outgoing…you know…fake it ‘til you make it. I’ve faked it long enough to where it is somewhat natural for me to speak to others…but the anxiety, nerves and stress behind being shy unfortunately still remain. I get so nervous sometimes I feel like I need to throw up, I sweat profusely and when it’s all over I have a headache. For a short time I was a military wife…being shy does NOT help in that situation. It’s probably part of the reason the marriage ended. Some outgoing people can get very frustrated by shy people…they sometimes just don’t understand it and regard it as something negative. Or they think they are helping by setting you up…you know, leaving you with a bunch of people you don’t know while he/she disappears…I understand they are trying to help, but that is the worst thing you can do…at least for me. I will not appreciate you for that at all. Well anyway…by the time I opened up enough to meet people and gain friends, it was time to move and to start all over again. SUPER stressful for me, but it wasn’t for him. He could make 10 friends in a day where I was lucky to come out with just ONE after a year. So…as I am writing this, My Love says, “YOU shy? Yea right, that’s a façade. Shy people don’t go out by themselves…like to a bar by themselves like you do. You’re not shy.” I take that as a compliment J Because that took YEARS of practice to get to the point I am at today. I can go to a bar by myself, but I have to give myself a peptalk the entire time I get dressed, during the drive, and not to mention during the 10-15 minutes I’m still sitting in the parking lot trying to get enough nerve to get out the car. But once I’m out, it’s on. I throw on my smile, pick up my pace, and go into where I’m going and make the best of it. So point of this story is…sometimes being shy sucks. But it is a part of me that I accept and have learned to overcome it enough to get through. Being shy kept me from activities and I refuse to let it stop me anymore. On a side note…I have also heard it makes me mysterious…which can be attractive to the opposite sex J hmmmmm…