His Daughter

I am his daughter. You may think I am speaking about God...I am His daughter...but I am talking about another Ronnie. I am Ronnie Martin's daughter and I am very proud to say that.

You don't realize how much of your parents you really are...until you grow up and become an adult/parent. I am a lot like my mom AND my dad. My mom gave me the stubbornness that I have...the part of me that says, "If you ain't gonna help me...I don't care because me and God will do it without you anyway." The part of me that says, "I don't need to seek revenge because God will take care of it while I keep on movin." The part of me that learns as much as I can and is determined to get it right...comes from my mom. Being talented in many different things...comes from my mom.

So why did I title this "His daughter"? Because I was sitting here thinking about men. I just told someone today that I know I am going to end up with a man that is right for me. I know what that man is going to be like...because of my father.

My dad gave me patience. My dad won't rush into ANYTHING...until he has prayed about it..and is 100% sure he wants to do it. He doesn't rush to get anywhere...and if something happens to mess up his plans...that's okay, because it will be okay. The part of me that says, "Calm down, it's not the end of the world" comes from my dad. The part of me that says, "I will listen to you...but that doesn't mean I'm going to agree" comes from my dad. The part of me that says, "If you're going to do it, be good at it. Don't settle for mediocrity," comes from my dad.

My dad never really talked to me about boys/men. All he ever said when I was younger was, "You don't need no boys calling here or coming over. You're not allowed to date." When I was a teenager, it was, "God intended sex for marriage." Although my dad never TALKED to me about boys...he did a really good job SHOWING me what to look for. I didn't realize this of course, until after I got married and after I filed the divorce papers. I realize that a lot of the things I want from a man...I got from being his daughter...my dad's daughter.

The only real necklaces that I owned came from my father...and I had one from the ex-husband. They were real gold, and some had real diamonds/sapphires. I like musicals...and would sit up several late nights watching musicals with my father...especially "Singin' in the Rain." My dad took me to most of my practices...basketball, gymnastics, piano...etc. so we spent a lot of time in the car together. He rarely had the radio on...and if he did...it was a preacher preaching on the radio. My dad is a man of few words...but when he speaks (or is angry) we know to listen...or to stay away lol. My dad never used curse words...at least not around me. I remember the first time I heard him say, "CRAP!" I was in total shock!! I went home and told my mom! I couldn't believe it! My dad was human! I had no idea...but that was a really cool moment to know my dad makes mistakes too. I remember one valentines day...my dad took me and my mom to a play at Stockton State College...then to a really fancy dinner. My dad had his ways of making me feel special. I remember I had a gymnastics exhibition at some kind of fair...but I felt ashamed in my leotard because I was so much bigger than the other girls. It was summer time and we weren't allowed to wear shorts with the leotard like we did at practice. When we got to the exhibition and I saw my group in the leotards, I didn't want to go over there and do it. I told my dad, "I don't want to do it anymore." I think he saw my insecurity, and said, "Okay." and we walked around and enjoyed the fair. He never questioned me why I didn't want to do it, and he didn't force me to do it either. I remember that day like it was yesterday. My father never made me feel ashamed of who I was, what I liked or how I looked like.

And as I sit here and think about the men I have let into my life...I can't say those things about them. I'm not trying to bash them...or say they are bad people. I don't even want to talk about them. I just know how I felt...as that awkward girl growing up, bigger than her friends, not the most popular, very very shy...in hindsight...pretty nerdy. But I was cool to my dad. If he thought my hair looked a mess...he would send me to the hairdresser. If I needed new clothes...he would give me the money to go shopping. If there was a need...he provided and never questioned me about it or made me feel bad about my needs.

Today I am a firefighter. I am able to do my job...and remain ladylike while doing it...because of my dad. I'm sure people wonder about why I style my hair for work, knowing I'm going to put a helmet on or get dirty...but my dad told me a long time ago..in so many words, "Just because you're around a bunch of men...or other girls choose to look masculine...do your hair anyway. You're a woman."

I know this is long...you may not even have read down this far. I just have a lot to thank my parents for. Both my mom and my dad. I don't know where I'd be, or what I would be like, without them both in my life. I may not have a man in my life today...but because of my mother in me...that's okay. God will provide when the time is right. Because I grew up with a great father as an example..I have not settled for less than I am worth and I will be patient until that time comes. When that time does come...I hope my man has some of the qualities of my father...and can be the part of a man for me that my father is not able to fulfill.