Focus

I'm not gonna lie... my head is so far up in the clouds I might as well be on my way to space. It's like whenever one area of my life is going great... another area is going downhill. Why is that? Can't everything just be great at one time? I hate the saying, "When it rains... it pours" because I can't honestly say everything is bad or going wrong. I feel like it's constantly drizzling lol. When times are great... it's still drizzling, but with sunshine behind it. You ever see a sun shower? Beautiful right! But at the same time... it's still raining!!! WTF!

So what's been going on... well... where do I start. A family member has been very sick... at that time I was REALLY down... while I was down, my financial situation went down. But because I was so far gone in regards to my family, I never really put effort or energy into my finances. To me they were just not that important. Well... the reality of that is... finances are ALWAYS important lol. However, I've never been one to worry about money. It always comes when I need it and somehow or some way, things get paid and taken care of.

While those two areas of my life were down... my career was going up. Achievements and opportunities were popping up left and right. Work was great and is still great. Also, a new person came into my life in a way I wasn't expecting. That was great and is still great.

What I am struggling with... is where do I put my focus? During the rough rough times... my focus was very direct and intense. But it was driven from like an aching sadness... make sense? I wasn't focused because I had a desired outcome. I was focused to distract me from whatever was going on. It worked for about two weeks. I went hard with whatever I was doing for two weeks straight. But then I crashed. And now I am at a point where I've done nothing for two weeks.

I feel like I'm just floating. Floating away. I just want to sit still and be still... but at the beach. I have a desperate need to see water... the ocean... I feel like if I could just see the ocean then maybe my focus will come back to me in some strange way. Like the answer is in a wave... or the sand. I don't know. It's out there.

Rambling...