To all my single moms out there.. who:
1. Wake up at the butt crack of dawn because your children haven't learned the meaning of sleeping in... since you're the only one there, they either wake you up to tell you they are up... or get in bed with you.. which wakes you up anyway.
2. Can swear you've somehow taken home a baby from a third-world country the day you left the hospital because all you hear ALL DAY LONG is Mom I'm hungry... I'm hungry... I'm hungry... what's for breakfast? What's for lunch? What's for dinner? Can I have a snack? I'm thirsty! Juice! Juice!
3. Try to figure out how to make your one paycheck pay the rent, daycare, gas, food, clothes, toiletries, diapers, bottles, food, gas, food, gas, etc. etc. etc. ... oh and that much needed bottle of liquor stashed in the freezer if you can manage to have extra change.
4. Wants to beat the shit out of the single dad that drops their kids off at school because all the married and childless women gawk and praise him for being such a great father for taking on the responsibility of caring for his children... as they practically strip the kids from his arms and start caring for them because that single dad is a poor unfortunate soul that has nobody to help him, because he's working a full-time job AND raising his children. How dare his children's mother not be in their life? That bitch! This poor poor man. Now THAT's a REAL man. A single dad. One step beneath God. <a true single mom will understand the sarcasm in this>
5. Comes home from working an 8-12hr shift just to clean up the house, cook dinner, check homework, give baths/showers, etc. etc. etc. just to crash on the bed/sofa to wake up and start all over again.
6. Gets to go out with the girls once or twice a year... but has to truly manage her money because she practically dropped her entire paycheck to the babysitter crazy enough to watch her kids overnight so she can finally get shitfaced and wasted.. just to be forced to sober up faster than the average chick because she has to pick up her kids in the morning, take them home, feed them breakfast, get them dressed, etc. etc. etc.
7. Dreams of plastic surgery and a suga daddy at LEAST 10 times a day.
8. Forgets their own size in clothing because the only clothes she has bought lately came from the children's section.
9. Can date the last time they had sex... oh wait... nahhh that was WAY too long ago. Paying a sitter for a booty call just isn't worth it. We'd rather pay for SLEEP, QUIET, and going to the grocery store BY OURSELF!
10. DVRs all her shows because the TV is left on Nickelodeon, Disney, Cartoon Network... you get the point.
11. Wishes for ONCE that she can sit on the toilet without a child knocking on the door, talking through the door, or sitting outside of the door while she goes.
12. Designates a stash of goodies (i.e. cookies, brownies, chips, wine) that are MOMMIES and are off limits to the kids.
13. Can't help but wonder who in their right mind would take her on as their woman... knowing she got a crazy kid(s). Umm the RIGHT man of course! He's out there SOMEWHERE.
<more to come as I think of them.. right now it's late and I am tired>
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