Is there really a such thing as a compromising position? If so, how does one get there? By compromising or not compromising? Things that make me go hmmmmmmmm.
I'm struggling with decisions I am physically making and decisions I am mentally believing. At the same time, I am not feeling guilt or remorse because part of me feels like... "I am doing Me." But then I think... is that being selfish? How can I truly do 'me' without affecting somebody else? I have kids. So when I do Me... am I being a bad mother? What if they don't agree with who "ME" is? Then what? My friends have their opinions of what I should or shouldn't do sometimes... and I have my opinions of what THEY should or shouldn't be doing. But then again... I think to myself, I am not them, so what business of it is mine... regarding what it is they choose to do. I can give my perspective... but in the end it is ultimately their decision as to what they choose to do. Regardless... I will always remain their friend.
Right now... I don't know what to do. I feel like everything has been happening at the right time... the right place... and then WHOA. Either I compromised and put myself in a compromising position... or I didn't compromise and ended up in a compromising position. The point is... I am in a very compromising position and I am not sure what my next move should be. The selfish part of me says, "Fuck it! Girl you've been through so much... just have fun and live your life! Be ashamed of nothing and keep it moving!" Then the empathetic side of me says, "What da hell you doin Ronny? Have you NOT been on the other side? The world does not revolve around YOU. There is a bigger picture and a longer vine that you are choosing to turn a blind eye to! You know how you felt... you know the result. Why keep getting back on the same roller coaster ride when I thought you already found a new way to arrive at your destiny?"
My intentions are not malicious. I want to share my happiness just as others want to receive happiness. I just happened to be able to experience both. It is a GREAT feeling and I like it. I guess I need to figure out if God's hand is over this circumstance and within my position to move me forward... or if He is NOT a part of this position and the position needs to be eliminated . I have a good feeling that the answer is going to come to me very soon. So until then... I am going to bed. Probably a record for me... before 10pm. Goodnight.
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