My life has come full circle. I am not struggling. Don't get me wrong, my life is still not easy (doubt it will ever be easy), but I am making it. I have made it further than I could have ever imagined. I'm good, I'm happy, I'm in love and it feels really good to be in this place. God has really ordered my steps. I am pursuing a career that I would have never thought to pursue...but I have learned so much and am truly grateful. Every day I am being pushed mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. I love it. If you asked me a year ago I would have never excepted or wanted the challenges I face today. However, now I welcome anything. With God I can do anything and get through everything.
I am about to be a firefighter. Yes...I said it. A firefighter. Would I have thought to pursue this career a year ago??? HELLLLLL NO! But today I feel I have found my calling...my niche...my place to be. I belong where I am right now. I push everyday to show I belong where I am right now. I love it. Others may not like it...or accept it...but I don't care what others think. I know I am where I belong and doing what I am supposed to be doing.
My love...I love him. I do. I've said it...I mean it...I feel it...I do it. It's a wonderful thing. I have no worries. I will admit that I do get my moments of doubt...but I get over them much faster than usual because I know God is in control...of me...of my life...of everything. Others think I'm crazy for taking My Love back...for being with him after what he has done and what we have been through...but I am believing he understands. If I am wrong...so be it. I'm in with an open heart...a clean slate...a new beginning. I am trusting. God. To fulfill the desires of my heart. My Love is a desire in my heart...I love him.
Unfortunately...not everyone has been accepting of my life coming full circle. Some of my family has been anything BUT supportive and even My Love had his moment of being on the opposing team. I've recognized my true friends and there are very FEW of them. That saying, "It's lonely at the top"...I feel that way sometimes. I feel lonely sometimes because there were some people who I really thought had my back...but didn't. They were hangin with me while I struggled...giving me all kinds of pep talk shit...then when I went out and did what I said I was going to do...they have nothing to say to me. It got to me...and made me upset...for a moment. But then I say to myself, "Ronny...you have come too far without those people...so why are you surprised? Keep moving. You will find better people."
May sound harsh but it's true. There are better people that are meant to be in my life. God is not done with me yet, and has not shown me all I should see. For those people that can't accept my success and achievements...I feel sorry for them. It's a shame. I never wish the worst on anybody...and I want everyone I know to have the best and to succeed. Unfortunately, some people cannot get themselves out of their own way to genuinely care for somebody else. And those are the people I specifically pray for.
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